It’s Mother’s Day and I don’t have a Mom to celebrate. My mother is still living, but I have no plans to ever speak to her again. I will not celebrate someone who refused to actually be a mother.
And that’s okay. If you’re in the same boat, know that it’s okay to remove toxic people from your life, even if they are blood. Don’t ever let someone tell you that you must be involved with people, simply because they are family. You don’t have to, in fact, if they are harming you in any way, you have the right and duty to yourself to remove them from your life.
Most days, unless I’m writing about something that happened involving my mother, I don’t think about the lack of her in my life. Then, holidays come around, like this one, and I am reminded. There was a time when this bothered me, a lot, and I would attempt to reach out to her and make amends.
But I’m not the one who broke our relationship in the first place.
It’s impossible to mend something you didn’t break, relationship wise. It will just eat away at you, until you’re worn down and find yourself accepting that person back into your life. In general, it will be you who makes all the changes, and them remaining the same. You booted them from your life to start with, for a reason. And it wasn’t your fault.
Now that I’m older, and have realized that our lack of relationship isn’t my fault, I am not plagued with the guilt I had in the past. I’ve learned that there are people in this world, not blood but still family, who were/are there to lift you up and help you grow.
Those are the people who deserve to be celebrated.
Today, I celebrate all of the women who have been a part of my life in positive ways. My sisters, an Aunt, friends, mothers of friends, my dearly departed grandmother. Those women are mothers in their own rights, even if they never bore children. We are capable of raising up each other, regardless of kinship.
For any of you who are this woman to someone else, thank you, and Happy Mother’s Day.