…generally, it isn’t a pleasant kind of amazement.

It’s usually me, being amazed, at the depth of depravity present in the every day world. Or, the lengths people will go to, in order to make themselves appear to be something they are not.

But every once in awhile, I am amazed by myself. By the fact that I am still here. Barely, but here nonetheless.

I have suffered from depression, anxiety, insomnia, and myriad other plagues for most of my life. The ability to maintain employment outside my home is essentially nil, but I did it anyway. I had to, my family can not subside on wishes, hopes, and dreams alone. And just when things were beginning to look up, I was laid off. My husband endured that injustice back in September as well. As of the day after Christmas, we were both unemployed, again.

Things like this do not bode well for depressed individuals, I can tell you that.

Regardless, I have still managed to drag my sorry ass out of bed each day, albeit later than I would hope, and keep trying. That’s the hardest thing to do, when you feel as if your entire world is simultaneously exploding and imploding, but I do it, every single day.

Hopefully, one of these days in the near future, it won’t be such a chore. Maybe, that day will be tomorrow. I have no idea, truly, but I look forward to it for sure.

I appreciate all who have kept me “in the loop” so to speak, tagging me in articles, making me feel as if I have somewhere that I still belong. I do not currently have a membership here, so I can’t read everything, but I do care. That’s another day I look forward to; getting enough of myself back, that I log in each day, and write SOMETHING. Anything.

Until then, I’ll make no promises. Like other areas of my life, I’ll be here when I can.


I think, therefore, I write. ccuthbertauthor@gmail.com /Posts may contain affiliate links.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store