I’m a people pleaser as well, and it definitely caused some difficult situations for me when I was with my second husband. We were swingers.
At home, behind the safety of the computer screen, I was good. I could pick and choose who i was or was not interested in. But when we would attend meet-ups, I had a more difficult time saying no. My husband at the time was not particular at all. He just enjoyed sex, period.
Me, not so much.
There had to be some kind of attraction for me. I’m not attracted to everyone.
But to make him happy, I would go along to get along.
And then I was pissed off at myself.
I think the ability to communicate more up front is helpful. I wish you the absolute best. And I definitely want to hear about any girl meetup! That’s honestly my favorite thing, next to having sex with my husband.