Joao, thank you for your response.
To answer the marriage question, I married my first husband because I was young and stupid and thought he truly loved me, and I him. I didn’t learn until later what an abusive and controlling person he was. I was naive. My second husband was not a bad person, he just was not the person for me, we were better as friends. The third, I really can not say other than I did not want to be alone at the time and it seemed the right thing to do. We were very happy in the beginning, or so it seemed. He was a veteran, and began refusing to get help for the things that haunted him from war and it began a spiral downward and ended in him becoming abusive as well.
This marriage is completely different from any relationship I’ve been in before, so all I can say is I hope it is one that is meant to work out properly.