What Happens When You Break Your Back Against the Wall? Literally.

The temperature was a not so balmy 29 degrees and I had no business being outside, yet, I was. The food pantry opened at 0900, but I had to be there no later than 0645 or I would not get a place in line near the front. I had slept approximately three hours the night before. My back had been bothering me more than usual, most likely due to the change in weather, or maybe it was my sciatic nerve, who knows. I made my way down my back steps, and my right leg stopped functioning. Just like that.

I was down, ass hit four steps. I couldn’t stop myself. All 170 or so pounds of me racing down the ice slick steps, hurtling towards the brick patio. I landed square on my tailbone, which has been broken multiple times already. I just knew that’s what happened again. The pain I felt shooting up my spine was so unreal, I could hardly breathe.

I didn’t realize it at first, but I actually ended up on my right side at some point. I don’t know how long I laid there before it occurred to me that I should look for my phone and call my husband. He was in the house, just a few yards away, but the pain made it where I couldn’t even begin to yell for him. I could barely catch my breath. I finally found my phone, under my ass cheek.

I called him and after a few minutes of attempting to make sense to him, he finally realized I was outside our back door and came running out. He had to pick me up and lay me in the back seat of our car to get me to the local ED, which thankfully is just up the road.

The ride was 9 kinds of hell. We live in the country. Our road is dirt, we should own stock in a pot hole company. I felt every single fucking one.

My tail bone is cracked. But that’s the least of my worries, as much as it hurts like hell. My back is broken in the thoracic region. I already had bone spurs in my cervical spine, I have caused further inflammation and possibly damage to that region as well. No way to know until the swelling decreases.

My insurance expired on 2/28/2018. This happened 3/10/2018.

Yes, I knew my insurance was expiring. I had applied for further coverage and was told I would have to wait and see if I would be able to obtain it. I have other health issues, have applied for disability and have been waiting for an answer.

My husband was laid off on 2/14/2018. We had an emergency fund that we depleted due to, well, emergencies.

The struggle has already been real, really fucking real. Our electric is set to be shut off Friday. Two days. I had been going around trying to get help with this, we don’t have the money to pay it.

Now this.

I have a consultation with a spinal surgeon tomorrow. I’ve already been told that I must have $5000 in order to have the surgery I need to fix my back. I can’t even pay a $450 electric bill.

I have been doing everything I can to stay positive. And then I broke my back.

I am struggling to keep myself above water.

Honestly, I just don’t know what to do at this point. We have no family who will or can help. We are on our own with this.

The one bright spot thankfully is, my husband did find a new job today. I am so thankful for that. It will be two weeks before he gets a paycheck. So that will not help with the electric bill that has to be paid in two days. It will be a way for us to get back on track, eventually, and I am thankful for that.

But today, I had to do something I didn’t want to do.

I honestly don’t know what else to do. If you can help, it would be greatly appreciated. Even if it’s just to share. Tom Kuegler could you please share within your vast network?

Thank you for reading, apologies for the word vomit. I appreciate you all.

I think, therefore, I write. ccuthbertauthor@gmail.com /Posts may contain affiliate links.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store