When my husband and I first met, Frozen was still huge. It had been out almost two years already, but little girls and guys everywhere, were still singing about letting it go.
I was one of them, though I’m not little.
I fucking love Frozen. I love a lot of Disney movies.
My name is Chloe, I’m 40 years old, and I watch cartoons.
My husband can not stand Frozen. He always said it was because his daughter watched it too much and he just could not stand the thought of hearing Let It Go one more time. I would always giggle, start singing it to him, and he would just roll his eyes.
The real truth at the heart of the matter is, my husband doesn’t watch cartoons at all, except Tom and Jerry. The why, is what breaks my heart.
The man that raised him, his so called father, wouldn’t allow him to watch cartoons, be it of the Saturday morning variety, Disney movies, none. According to him, only “pussies” watched kid shit like that, if you were a boy.
My husband has three sisters, he’s the only boy. They were allowed to watch cartoons and Disney movies to their heart’s content. If he even thought about showing any interest in things that weren’t considered “manly” by his father, he was beaten.
Or made to wear a dress that belonged to one of his sisters, while tied to a tree in the front yard for the entire day.
Yep, that happened, more than once.
Social services were a big part of his life, growing up. Teachers would notice bruises, outbursts, etc and call. But it didn’t matter. None of the kids, or his mother, would ever tell the truth once the social worker showed up at the door. They were the perfect family, my husband just fell down a lot.
They were all terrified of his father’s temper, and had been warned, actually threatened, as to what would happen if the truth came out. My husband told the truth, once, and the kids were split up and sent to foster care for about a month. He swore, based on things that happened while he was there, that he would never ask for help again.
Due to the childhood that my husband endured, he still has a lot of issues when it comes to masculinity. He appears on a perpetual hunt for anything that will give an adrenaline rush, anything that will prove he’s a man. He joined the USMC for this very reason. He is a risk taker, a dopamine addict.
It’s better than being addicted to pills and cocaine, which he has been in the past as well.
Asking for help had never been an option for him, as his experience dictated that help didn’t actually arrive. Plus, “Dad” always told him, he was a man, SITFU. (Suck It The Fuck Up)
Since we’ve been together, he has gone into counselling and opened up about a lot of the shit that went on during his childhood. He also learned that the man he called “Dad”, isn’t really his biological father. His mother lied to him for his entire life about it, and he didn’t find out who his actual father was, until he passed away in October of 2015.
As time has passed, and he’s opened his mind about a lot of things, my husband has gotten better about discussing his feelings, talking about what he’s been through, and realizing that his toxic childhood is to blame, not him.
I’m thankful for that, for him and for us. He still won’t watch Disney movies with me, but it’s okay. Our daughter of the heart is waiting each time I want to watch something new or old, and it’s something the two of us have just for us.