I’ve had my day to wallow in self-pity, anxiety, and stress. I allowed myself that, and now I’m finished. For now, anyway.
This Is Just One of Those Fucking Days, Thanks!
That’s a pretty close approximation of what I look like when I attempt to scream. Probably about as effective, too…
Today is about getting back to what I need to do. Breathe. Regroup. Remember I still have an electric bill that is seriously past due that I have to figure out how to get paid. Nope, not letting it stress me. Too blessed to be stressed…no the fuck I’m not, but I chuckle every time I hear or read someone say/write that.
I am blessed, if you want to use that word. I have a wonderful husband, kids who aren’t complete assholes, a roof over my head that as long as I figure out a way to pay those taxes, no one can take from me, food (most of the time!), and I’m breathing. I woke up this morning. That’s more than a lot of people can say.
I’ve continued a series I began, published part four. I have no idea how to actually publish it as a series, I tried. But all I got was some things that look like cards, no way to mark it as members only, and well, I couldn’t find shit on google as to how to make it work. So I’m just writing it an article at a time. Parts 1,2, and 4 are member only. Part three is a freebie. I don’t know how long it will end up being, I’ll definitely throw in a few more that aren’t just for members. Maybe I’ll put it all together into a book one day, with more of course. That part of my life ended up being quite interesting in some ways, and most people that know me IRL have NO idea about any of it.
I guess it’s a good thing I have a pen name besides this one ;)
I’ve mentioned before, when I first started writing here, that I have been practicing Stoicism since December or so of 2016. As is fairly evident of late, I’ve been struggling with that a bit. Rome wasn’t built in a day, right? Not even in a couple of years. Today is one of those days where I am slowly but surely crawling back onto the bandwagon, so to speak. Working to toss out those negative thoughts and anxieties and get back to the joy in life.
Because in all honesty, will all of the things I’ve been anxious about even matter tomorrow? Well, yes, some of them will. I’ll still need to procure funds to pay my electric bill if I expect to keep electricity. It’s a bit necessary. Without it, I can’t shower and that’s no good for anyone. I also can’t cook, clean, do laundry, or not die of a heat stroke when the weather goes bipolar again next week. Or freeze when it goes bipolar again. Welcome to North Carolina, if you don’t like the weather, just wait, it will change.
But in the grand scheme of things, I know things won’t always be like this. Things will change. I know that as early as tomorrow even, my husband could get called back to work (YAY! That would rock!!), or he could get a call from somewhere else he’s applied. Our tax refund could finally post. (We got fucking audited, of ALL the years for it to happen) My in-laws could, I don’t know, actually give us the money they owe us for staying here. Hahaha yeah, I’m more likely to win the lottery that I don’t play.
Any of those things, or none of those things could happen. My memoir could sell 100 copies because someone on another article kindly asked if I had something published they could read, and maybe a shit ton of people decided to buy it. That would be awesome as well, though I wouldn’t see the royalties for that for two months, but still, I would be stoked.
Regardless, I’ve gotten this far, I’ll get further. I haven’t stopped doing what I love, which is writing. Yes, I try to monetize it when I can. No, that hasn’t paid any bills yet, but maybe it will one day. All I know is, I got up this morning, I got back to what I love, and I’m going to figure the rest out as I go.